Now playing: Bob Crosby - Way Back Home

Dear God, it isn't my fault that (now) whenever I hear pre-50's jazz, it makes me want to grab a gun and point it to the nearest guy with a mohawk. It isn't my fault. I've been playing Fallout much too much. And I seem to have an addiction. (God forbid, if Bill O'Reilly were to read this, he's blame terrorism on Bethesda) Not really. But Fallout is a damn fun game. Not for the feint of heart, though.

Tick.

Tock.


Fuck, it's almost 1am, and that damn insomnia is slowly setting in.



The hell am I writing about again? Oh yeah. Nothing. Heh. The lights are dark, the music is.. music. And the TV placed next to me? It's glowing. Soft god damned ambiance. Its slightly annoying, but it helps me think about nothing while I write. Would that be free styling? Iunno. I should turn this stuff off. Its raining. I enjoy just sitting and listening to it. But not tonight. Ive got the music fairly loud, and its 1am. Tick tock, damnit. Move faster. Apparently not. I apologize if none of this makes sense, the 2 people who might end up reading this. Im not hitting that backspace button for ANYTING. So whatever gets put on there, ends up staying.



Now for something completely different and dumb, which won't matter to you, and possibly won't matter to me after I hit the orange (it is orange, right?) publish now button. Now playing: Saosin - It's So Simple. Damn, that song is old. Anywho, I now look at myself and I realize something, which I feel is a pretty big flaw. I don't have any goals. I mean, I've got stuff I'd like to do, but that stuff I can do in the next year. What do I want to do in 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? Fuck if I know. I know I've got goals for the next few months to come.. I mean, it's in plain view.

1)Get yob
2)Get monies
3)Get apartment
4)????
5)Profit!!

But.. the hell am I gonna do after that? I honestly don't know. I want to move to Texas. Leave all my troubles and bullshit back in California. Start life a-new, never turn back. That would be nice. Its actually something I want to do in the immediate future. I'd love that, actually. Does that mean I have some sort of goal to look forward to? Fuck the the finish line, fuck the gold medal, let me just work on the race. This is quite a bit I'm writing, actually. Quite a bit for my standards. Why do I decide to do this now? Why not later? Huh?

No idea. Spark of inspiration? Don't know where the hell it came from, though. I was semi-watching Clerks 2.

You know what grinds me gears? The lack of good movies post 2000.


I think that's about it. Bleh. I'm going to go to sleep. Let the dream land take over for a bit. Why not?

It seems like a good idea now.

Crap.

I feel a lot like it. And I don't know why.

I don't know why.

I'd write more about it, but I'm not up to it right now.

Real life.

It begins now. This fall, I take that one step towards it all. Towards that dream. Towards the future. I've decided to move out. Its official. Me and a friend are moving out.

Should be a fun experience, to be honest. But I'm damn scared. A lil' now. Just a bit. If it weren't for the help of some people, I might have never been prepared for this moment. They might be far now, but I learned that the support of people you love can be all you need to take that big leap into tomorrow. I know I can do it. It's all waiting for me. Time to start living the dream. Time to begin the life everyone is so crazy about.

Time to wreak shit up.

I figure my life from that point on will be a lot like CAD. Damn.

Still, damn nervous. Damn nervous.

I hope you're right. I know I can with your confidence in me.

We tear them away.

Would you agree that we're far from alright?
(We fall below the line! We fall below the standards!)
If only you could see what we see through these eyes
(This plague is spreading, it will sink under your skin)
I won't believe the horror that I see
Is more than your poison inside me

Let's tear away these faces we hide behind
Cutting through the airwaves
Open up our minds
Show Ourselves to the world tonight
Cause we are no longer in disguise

Well, I', aware of your lies
How do you sleep at night?
(It's all a matter of time, I think they're catching on)
You dream of wars that I refuse to fight
(More people disappear, another broken heart)

I won't believe the horror that I see
Is more than your poison inside me
I won't let go, though the plague is spreading
I won't let go

Let's tear away these faces we hide behind
Cutting through the airwaves
Open up our minds
Show ourselves to the world tonight
Cause we are no longer in disguise

We can save ourselves
(Rise Up!)
You can't stop us
We can save our soul
(Rise Up!)
We don't need your help
We can save ourselves
(Rise Up!)
You can't stop us

Let's tear away these faces we hide behind
Cutting through the airwaves
Open up our minds
Show ourselves to the world tonight
Cause we are no longer in disguise

Tear Away These Faces
Tear Away These Faces
Tear Away These Faces

We're no longer in disguise!